for the Writers, Musings of a Creative

I murdered for you & I’m not okay

in my book. I should probably clarify that.

But isn’t that a beautiful blogpost title? 😉

I finished the first draft of my quirky meta murder mystery!

Honestly, it happened so fast. I thought I’d be agonizing over the last couple scenes for days. And I just whipped them out and suddenly that was the last sentence and I felt like there should be so much more time in it, but nope, that was definitely my last sentence of the story.

Murder doesn’t take as long as you’d expect.

So I was on a celebratory high. For about 2 hours.

Then came the pits. It wasn’t the murder part. I can kill off characters okay, with maybe a teardrop if I’m super attached. It was the writing part though. Suddenly I wasn’t sure I could ever make my writing what I wanted it to be.

I was worried I would be the writer that wrote but never got good enough to publish.

Or worse, I published and everyone would hate it and I’d regret having that in my publication history.

Or worse, I published and think it’s awesome and people are too nice to tell me that I just added to the public slushpile.

I’m discouraged. Kinda terrified really.

I’m thinking of edits and beta readers and ways to put my story out there in the world for all you lovelies, and it’s like THE REAL DEAL.

So if you could send some encouragement my way, I would be so appreciative.

Now back to editing so you all can enjoy the fruits of murder 😉

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More Than Sticks & Stones

“In real discipleship, we memorize Scripture.”

The words swallowed the conversation. Biting words, fighting words.

Wanna know a secret? I was not the victim of this attack. I was the perpetrator. My best friend was the victim. I didn’t mean to hurt. I was still learning about process and about grace, but mostly I was still learning that I was so so wrong about goodness.

I hate who I was then. And am still learning to look at that girl with compassion. I think I hated her then too. Somehow subconsciously I thought true character was brought through shame. True character was shaming others into shaming others into shaming others until we all knew who was right and who was wrong. Finding some measurable outward standard where I “beat” others made it all okay.

Until it didn’t. Because life wasn’t okay like that, and only lots of mercy and grace could draw me back.

There isn’t some grand ending for this post, this is just to say that my last post wasn’t coming from a place of being better than the words others say. You can google cheesy inspirational quotes and stories of how encouragement changed someone’s life around. Those stories are everywhere. But I’m choosing to admit today that sometimes it’s not that beautiful, it’s not that pristine – sometimes words cut so deep as to change a person’s being. I’ve been dealt such words, and I’m sure I’ve given plenty too. That’s what sparked the idea for last week’s post. Because it’s not all just roses and hallmark cards – sometimes it’s sticks and stones.

 

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Mental Health, My Creative Projects, Showcasing other Creatives

What Doesn’t Kill You, Makes You

The past few weeks, my friend Maggie and I have collected responses through social media of what hurtful words made you who you are today. We loved the feedback, and hope to get even more on our next collaborative project. See all of the responses here, and check out Maggie’s blog for some DNA word art she created from this project. Like my Facebook page or Follow me on Twitter to get in on submissions next time around 🙂

ohf1p

 

 

“You’ll never amount to anything.”

“I’ll never be against you.”

“There’s no cure.”

“Live on your own to make sure you can do it. Just in case.”

“You won’t regret it, I promise.”

“I doubt anything will change my mind at this point. Only someone better before you.”

“We have nothing.”

Someone told me once to stop just thinking of myself and think about others and how they feel for a change. It hurt but made me realize that I need to spend more time doing things that will help and serve other people.

“I’m done trying to convince you that I care.”

“You gotta try more from the salad bar. Get more experience. How do you know what you like until you try it?”

PUSH Pray Until Something Happens

“You are worth waiting forever for. I’m saying I won’t wait forever.”

“Get your foot in the door.”

“Your intent wasn’t to build up, it was to cut down.”

“I don’t do what you’re doing, because it’s of the devil.”

“You need to not be so sensitive.”

“There’s no thing that can be taken as a reason why we’d be together.”

“Be an active listener. It matters when you make eye contact and pay attention.”

“You’re always crying – do you need to see a doctor?”

 

 

 

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