Creative Musings, for the Writers

I murdered for you & I’m not okay

in my book. I should probably clarify that.

But isn’t that a beautiful blogpost title? 😉

I finished the first draft of my quirky meta murder mystery!

Honestly, it happened so fast. I thought I’d be agonizing over the last couple scenes for days. And I just whipped them out and suddenly that was the last sentence and I felt like there should be so much more time in it, but nope, that was definitely my last sentence of the story.

Murder doesn’t take as long as you’d expect.

So I was on a celebratory high. For about 2 hours.

Then came the pits. It wasn’t the murder part. I can kill off characters okay, with maybe a teardrop if I’m super attached. It was the writing part though. Suddenly I wasn’t sure I could ever make my writing what I wanted it to be.

I was worried I would be the writer that wrote but never got good enough to publish.

Or worse, I published and everyone would hate it and I’d regret having that in my publication history.

Or worse, I published and think it’s awesome and people are too nice to tell me that I just added to the public slushpile.

I’m discouraged. Kinda terrified really.

I’m thinking of edits and beta readers and ways to put my story out there in the world for all you lovelies, and it’s like THE REAL DEAL.

So if you could send some encouragement my way, I would be so appreciative.

Now back to editing so you all can enjoy the fruits of murder 😉

Creative Projects, Fashion

Crafting help? Ideas for how to fix this jacket?

I found this at a thrift shop and couldn’t just pass it by. But it has obvious probz. Wanted to reach out to you creative souls and brainstorm a fix 🙂

Difficult to see in the pictures, but there’s been some sort of dye spill (the color shows up purple, but it looks like it came from the color of blue ink from an ink pen) that spilled on it. Any ideas how to dye the entire jacket that color without a huge mess? Or to hide the ink spill?  I’d love to craft this into something wearable again, so throw out ALL your ideas in the comments, please!

Note: the problem areas include lower back, chest and waist, armpits, and sleeves. Basicly splotches throughout.

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Mental Health

Re-Learning to Breathe

You’d think it’d be easy. I mean, everyone does it, needs it to live. It comes naturally from birth. How could I forget?

*Breathe In the Gold*

*Blow Out the Black*

  “The problem is, Amy, we think it’s normal because we grew up with it all around us. But it’s not.” That’s what my sister said when I called her up a couple weeks ago. That’s what I’ve reminded myself over and over since then. It’s not normal. But I can be.

  *Breathe In the Gold*

*Blow Out the Black*

  Managing was no longer enough. Going to the same gas station or Dunkin Donuts or Family Video. Having my anchors, my people I cling to in social situations if I branch out. Having “do nothing” days and saying “no” more than was socially acceptable. It wasn’t working anymore.

*Breathe In the Gold*

*Blow Out the Black*

  I was forgetting how to breathe. How to be what should just come so naturally to me. How to live. I was a zombie walking through life looking for something to sustain me ’til the next fix, but it never came.

*Breathe In the Gold*

*Blow Out the Black*

  What do you think bravery is? Keeping on doing the same thing, hoping circumstances will change or you will change or life will change? Stubbornly refusing to admit your need for something more drastic? I hope who I am is brave. What I’ve done is brave. Every step forward makes me wonder if I’m running, but I only hope it’s the right direction.

*Breathe In the Gold*

*Blow Out the Black*

  I’m trying to reconcile this all now. That God is my healer, but I’m not well. That God is my peace, but prayer and tears and crying out did not help me breathe. That God is compassionate, and I as a Christ-follower must be like Him, but I just can’t take one more person’s problems when I can’t control my own. But I’m still His. And He is still my healer. And He is still my peace. Somehow. Like this.

*Breathe In the Gold*

*Blow Out the Black*

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